When We Are Devoid of Inspiration

Almost a month ago, I watched a movie called “Hacksaw Ridge” that stars Andrew Garfield-- not that it’s important but good to know. It encompasses the horror that the soldiers from World War 2 went through in an effort to fight for the safety of their respective families and communities. After what felt like a two-hour salt in my eyes, I had a phase, in which I promised myself to be as brave as can be, at all times.

That phase waned quicker than the elated face I wore during the first few days of high school. Sooner than expected, I was back to my old cowardly ways. Given the time period when this happened: a few days into the quarantine period, what could have I possibly done differently given the situation? The straight forward answer to that is: a lot of things.

Pre- Corona Virus Outbreak, I predicted the Quarantine Period. I kept a list in background instructing me to do all these recreational activities; like maybe start meditating, and start looking after my mental health; Doing an hour run every morning, which got sabotaged by the fear of being imprisoned (the police paroled every afternoon like crazy, and they had to follow strict measures); and most of all, to put up a name for myself out there, by launching a blog, and unlike what I have previously done, I envisioned this alleged blog to fit the description of “successful” and “non-dormant.” I did absolutely none of those things!

A void in me remains constant: Inspiration. You know that euphoric feeling you get after watching “13 Going on 30”? That strong force that you feel that cajoles you to “get yourself together, and be around the person you love more often”? That alternate ending, one where Jenna went back in time to ultimately marry Matt? That’s a weed, that’s my kind of weed!

I always seek for that sensation. That inspiration after watching a movie, or watching a TEDTalk on Youtube. I so badly want inspiration in those forms, to linger with me for the rest of my life, but on a very unfortunate note, that’s not what’s happening.

      Exhibit A:

There’s an imminent quiz happening in Math. It’s about the Cartesian Coordinate System-- the one that Rene Descartes was kind enough to bequeath the burden to us all, and then just died for eternity. You haven’t even completed copying notes because your math teacher, apparently, was faster than the Road Runner at drawing and erasing four quadrants on the blackboard. You asked a seatmate adjacent (pun intended) to your seat if you can borrow her notebook to continue copying at home, and because she’s obsessively crushing on you, which you know but doesn’t acknowledge, she agreed to it.

You come home late at 6:00 PM and exhausted. You eat dinner, wash the plates (cause you’re not spoiled), take a bath, and head to your room which you will be staying for the remainder of the evening. You’re not in the mood to copy notes, let alone study. You check your watch, “It’s only 8:00 PM,” you say to yourself. You figured, you still have the luxury of time, so what’s the harm of 1 episode of “QueerEye”? Besides, you’re only doing it to muster enough inspiration to keep you going when you finally study, right?



Then boom, you time traveled! “Wow! HoW iS iT 1 Am IN thE MorNiNG?” We clowning? “Guess I’ll take off for the night, I need to have my sleep To PaSs tHaTt EgxzaM, opPz.” Good job! Inspiration overflowed you that it reaches the level of nothingness. Oh, but it’s all good. You cheated on the test, anyway.

We love to think that there’s ammunition somewhere in the dark web that can hit us and burst open hard work, that after all these years, was just hiding behind the aorta (or whatever artery). We live in that culture! It’s what’s responsible for the trivial decision that we make, like cutting our hair in pixie because Miley Cyrus did it, and is a symbol for being rebellious, a.k.a. the “new you.” Bravo!

Sorry to burst your bubble: the “New You” is nonexistent. It didn’t happen even in a split second that you were sedated by positive energy. Did you honestly believe that some movie that was primarily intended for profit, was the dope that’s gonna make your life better in the long run? No, you’re kidding right? Honey, even if that Hisense 30” flat-screen TV was pounded on you, and cracked your head wide open, you’re just gonna die from excessive loss of blood, nothing more.

The movies is not routed to change your life. It’s not its occupation. You’re the one who is 100% responsible for the change you want.

How can you do this? For starters, you start to take responsibility for your action. Ask yourself, why are you here, in this disposition.

Q: Why did you not launch a blog sooner?

A: Because I didn’t have enough time, I didn’t have the resources, etc.--

A: I’m sorry that was bullshit. It’s because I was lazy and was terrified of failing! Exactly that, that is verbatim!

You should be honest with yourself, and not take a detour from the bare truth because it perpetuates the concept of blaming others but yourself.

Our culture wants to be saved. Not by it, but by another culture named “Pop Culture.” The only way for you to be saved is when you decide to save yourself. It takes a mountain steeper than X, Y (another pun intended, I’m doing you a favor by inculcating the formula: rise/run so you wouldn’t forget). The reality is: there is no quick fix. If you found someone on the internet who claims he can transform you into being a millionaire overnight, that guy can either be God or a trickster fraud.

This is just life 101. This is just the beginning, and you gotta witness it first hand. Be autonomous. Be involved. Do not put the finger on anyone. Accept your mistakes, and from there you’ll learn.